oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
