Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
