No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
