I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
