Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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