i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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