he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
well you can't waste a boner
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize