Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
