Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
