I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
