dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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