Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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