Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
