If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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