p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
