I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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