Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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