How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If I die, sorry about rent.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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