I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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