But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
