If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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