So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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