I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
