Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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