i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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