she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
