I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
