What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize