lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
