Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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