have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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