this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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