Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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