oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
