This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
