dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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