I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
