I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize