living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
