Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
