Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
