my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
