he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
