I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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