Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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