make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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