super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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