Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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