This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
