are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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