A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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