last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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