Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I did not marry a roomba.
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