The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
