I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize