I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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