also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
