literally had 100 drinks last night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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