so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize