You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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