I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
