FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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