yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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