I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize