Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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