Where is the hickey?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
