i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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