Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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