you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
