I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
