Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize