I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
