i just google imaged poop.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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