I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
