I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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