after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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