Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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