I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
