new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize