Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
