OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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