I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
