I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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