he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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