I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
