Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
