I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
