I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I need water and some morals
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
