I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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