I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
