Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
