forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
