wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
