why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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