Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
