Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
