I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
