So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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