Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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