if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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