I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
