I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
