so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize