I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
