You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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